Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2013 0:25:00 GMT
*Trigger warning*
As some of you may know, I used to have an eating disorder. I fitted the criteria for bulimia for at least a year (my memory is foggy around this time), but I never sought treatment. I never saw even a GP. My eating and weight problems are the one thing that I have never felt comfortable talking to anyone about. Basically, when I was 14, I started off starving myself, for a month. I lost almost a stone, literally hovered just above the BMI for underweight (18.5), then starting purging the small amount I ate for months, then starting binging/purging and went back to an average weight. I binge/purged twice a week for about four months, then it became less frequent, and eventually I stopped.
I basically recovered from my behaviours myself and haven't purged in a year, although I unconsciously binge. I stopped the behaviours, but never treated the underlying causes, and my diet and eating habits are still appalling. They got better when I was pregnant and afterwards, but have steadily declined. I have also lost the 3 stone of baby weight I gained (I went from 8 1/2 stone to almost 11 1/2 when pg). I'm not sure how much I weigh now, as I won't allow scales anywhere I live, but I've gone from a 10 - 12 (my usual, I've never been lower) to size 10 clothes falling off me and I tried on a size 6 shirt the other day, and it would have fitted if it weren't for my large... bosoms. That's unheard of for me.
What should I do? I don't want to lose weight, although I am happy to be this thin and I don't really feel thin, if that makes sense. I think about it a bit. My eating habits are terrible now, though. Because of my financial situation, I've only eaten a proper meal twice in the last month or two. I have also started sertraline recently, which made me feel sick. Now even the sight of food makes me feel sick. I'm starving right now, haven't eaten a full meal but I don't really want to eat. I pick at everything. The only thing I want to eat is garbage, really.
I don't know if any of this makes sense, it's like 1:20am right now. Just needed to get this off my chest while I had the energy.
As some of you may know, I used to have an eating disorder. I fitted the criteria for bulimia for at least a year (my memory is foggy around this time), but I never sought treatment. I never saw even a GP. My eating and weight problems are the one thing that I have never felt comfortable talking to anyone about. Basically, when I was 14, I started off starving myself, for a month. I lost almost a stone, literally hovered just above the BMI for underweight (18.5), then starting purging the small amount I ate for months, then starting binging/purging and went back to an average weight. I binge/purged twice a week for about four months, then it became less frequent, and eventually I stopped.
I basically recovered from my behaviours myself and haven't purged in a year, although I unconsciously binge. I stopped the behaviours, but never treated the underlying causes, and my diet and eating habits are still appalling. They got better when I was pregnant and afterwards, but have steadily declined. I have also lost the 3 stone of baby weight I gained (I went from 8 1/2 stone to almost 11 1/2 when pg). I'm not sure how much I weigh now, as I won't allow scales anywhere I live, but I've gone from a 10 - 12 (my usual, I've never been lower) to size 10 clothes falling off me and I tried on a size 6 shirt the other day, and it would have fitted if it weren't for my large... bosoms. That's unheard of for me.
What should I do? I don't want to lose weight, although I am happy to be this thin and I don't really feel thin, if that makes sense. I think about it a bit. My eating habits are terrible now, though. Because of my financial situation, I've only eaten a proper meal twice in the last month or two. I have also started sertraline recently, which made me feel sick. Now even the sight of food makes me feel sick. I'm starving right now, haven't eaten a full meal but I don't really want to eat. I pick at everything. The only thing I want to eat is garbage, really.
I don't know if any of this makes sense, it's like 1:20am right now. Just needed to get this off my chest while I had the energy.
