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Post by ldavis2100 on Oct 9, 2013 22:14:13 GMT
Hi Guys, Living with OCD and Borderline Personality Disorder I'm finding it such a strain at the moment. My boyfriend Ash who I have lived with for nearly a year is finding it increasingly difficult dealing with the temperaments my BPD strongly makes apparent. He has researched, read and looked into the symptoms, case studies etc, but of course these are only a guideline and all symptoms are different for each person. The main things that are really taking its toll are: - Ever changing / Quick changing Moods
- Quick and unjustifiable aggression and rage
- Distance and 'zoning out' (Depersonalisation/Dissociation)
- Self-Harm/intrusive thoughts/impulsive behaviour
- Spiteful, cold, emptiness, no emotional connection.
- Splitting (Extreme feeling of love or hate)
Has anyone else experienced this awful tornado living with your partner if you suffer from a Personality Disorder?
We have spoken many times about finishing up as there doesn't seem to be any other solution. We both worry, due to me having psychotherapy (CAT) which is making me worse before i (hopefully) get better, that it won't change or improve.
Help please!! Thanks so much for reading
Lucy/Boo xxx
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matt
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Post by matt on Oct 10, 2013 14:11:48 GMT
You're doing really well so far, there's not much more you can do apart from be honest and talk to each other and try and let your boyfriend know what's happening with you. I've recently started living with my girlfriend and despite telling her everything, and her obvious desire to understand, I doubt she will ever really fully get it. I do try and tell her when I'm struggling, instead of just doing the usual isolating myself, but I still think she struggles to reconcile the fact that it really is not her that's the problem, it's me. Luckily I go fishing for 2 or 3 days each week so we have space from each other.
If you've been together this long when he knows about your problems, then you've got a strong relationship. Hopefully once you get further into the psychotherapy you will start to be able to manage your mood fluctuations a little better. Stick with it and keep talking to each other, you'll get through it together. |
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Post by ldavis2100 on Oct 11, 2013 17:13:17 GMT
Thank you both for your suggestions, you're def right. i'm going to try and be more open and try and explain things better, as i am more distancing myself when i find things overwhelming. I'm sure even though it feels safer in the short term it won't help in the long run.
Thanks again for reading and giving the pointers xx
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Post by kayleigh on Oct 21, 2013 23:55:03 GMT
I have lived with my partner for 4 years now for the first time ever about a week ago he broke down in tears said kayleigh i love you with all my heart but im finding it hard to cope with yoy im sorry ..bearing in mind it takes alot alot to make him cry ive only seen him cry twice before ...anyway cutting a long story short we both had a cry and a long chat about eachothers feeling we are still continplating going to some kind of coues therapy or coupples councling that way we both get help me for bpd and him for dealing with me and my bpd dont no if this helps i hope it dose  |
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Post by kayleigh on Oct 26, 2013 12:18:15 GMT
I deffonatly think it will help too just waiting for an assesment apointment we have spoke allot i diddent relise how mutch my illnesses affect him i am allot more understanding now . Just have to work together to fight rather than trying to go it allone x
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Post by ldavis2100 on Oct 27, 2013 10:29:05 GMT
That's great Kayleigh, when living with someone, or even just having a close relationship, it's so important to talk things through and lean against each other as both sides can be affected for different reasons.
Ash and I are slowly working things out, we have the odd explosion sometimes, but luckily can always learn from it and work things through to hopefully improve if there's a next time. There's really good support for 'carers' or people who you live with too, but I know Ash (my partner) finds it hard taking initial steps as he might not be sure as to where to start.
I think, like us, once they come out of their shells, things can improve and some of the weight is taken off. x
Let's all keep up the fight! xx
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Post by ldavis2100 on Dec 7, 2013 0:56:35 GMT
Thought I'd update on the situation.
Unfortunately I have had to move out of my home and finish with my partner as it was getting harder and harder.
I tried to be open and honest as much as possible but that made him more stressed and unable to cope.
When I kept it all to myself, he was very happy as he thought I felt better and I wasn't happy.
He never really listened properly even though he would always ask me to talk about it.
I started to disconnect, the more distant I became the more he chased me, there became the vicious cycle.
I ended off cutting him off completely as I was worries he would leave me and I needed to protect myself.
This in turn made me in his words "a cold, heartless wall that nothing is getting through and I just don't care".
The scary part is that he was right.
That's how I felt. I didn't love him anymore, I had no feelings towards him anymore. I had put up that wall and it wouldn't ever come down.
Next came my impulse of moving all of my stuff out. Perhaps I should have slept on my decision but once an ideas in my head, no one will sway me.
I hated my self for being this cut off person and leaving my home which felt sadder then leaving him.
It's all so confusing. I still am unsure if I have done the right thing but seeing as I was feeling worse around him a lot of the time, during me getting better I need to be around people who will support me and understand/tolerate me.
Thank you all for your support and for taking time to read this xx hope you are all okay and managing xx
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Post by Nick with OCD on Dec 7, 2013 1:03:37 GMT
sorry to hear this but at the end of the day Lucy, you have to look out and look after number 1, you.
I know it feels wrong now but you need to focus on yourself and you have our support.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2013 21:23:58 GMT
Aww Lucy. This is almost exactly why my boyfriend and I have broke up, except that we had the baby and his mental health issues making things harder. I felt like I had put up a wall and didn't love him any more too. This also happened with my ex.
F**king BPD, man. I'm here if you need to talk xxxx
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matt
Newbie
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Post by matt on Dec 9, 2013 23:07:34 GMT
I'm sorry to hear this. I hope you're doing ok.
Going through similar myself at the moment. I have always tried to be open and honest about my BPD with my latest girlfriend, for the first time ever, but recently I've felt less and less able to do so. A couple of recent episodes when I've tried to elaborate on reasons for my possible changes in behaviour she responds with "it's not all about you, you know", or "it's not just you in this relationship". Now I find I'm doubting myself because I'm just being selfish, and unable to talk about my issues. It's getting to the stage where it's becoming an additional burden to my daily MH issues rather than helping me deal with them. Plus the added hassle of trying to find somewhere else to live.
I hope everything works out for you. There's always some lovely people on here who understand if you feel like you need to talk about anything.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2013 10:13:43 GMT
Holy Crapadoodles man! Boo I'm so so sorry to read this I hope you're ok!
I totally understand what you mean when you say you distance yourself, I do this alot too. I do agree that you need to put yourself first, you can't continue recovery otherwise. (Ahh I have had similar to your moving out impulse and it SUCKS!)
I am always around if you want to chat about our highly annoying, kinda strange ways of life!
Xxx
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