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Post by ellief on Sept 15, 2013 13:45:25 GMT
Has anyone ever not felt able to tell they therapist or care co-ordinator something and then one day had to? I hear voices (auditory hallucinations) and as you may of seen, I've posted before about pseudo psychosis, but when I've spoken to others I'm not sure that's what it is. A few things have been playing on my mind and I wonder if anyone has any experience of similar things? I'm just really scared tbh. - I argue really often between two different "parts of me", about what to do/say/eat (anything really). - I hear screaming of a little girl, sometimes as background noise but so loud I can't move or think or anything. - then there's Darren. Darren basically wants to hurt me or wants me dead. He always says not to tell anyone about him, but I did today for the first time, and now I'm terrified, the person I told wants me to ring the crisis team because of what Darren says and stuff (he says "I'm gonna hurt you", or "I'm gonna hurt -insert person I loves name-" and similar stuff.)
My team said pseudo psychosis because its common in BPD (one of my diagnoses) and because I knew there wasn't a real little girl inside my head screaming, that it was just a voice.
Ive also had episodes of fainting, but not for biological reasons, which apparently is a sign of schizophrenia, but someone else has suggest bipolar and I don't really know.
anyone got any experience? Or any ways of managing this? im not looking to label it, with or without its label it is still what it is, I just want to get better and manage.
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Post by ladcalledwill on Sept 16, 2013 19:09:39 GMT
I wasn't sure what mental illness I had and it took me 7 or 8 years to work it out. I'm schizophrenic, but it's only mild schizophrenia. If you tell your care co-ordinator your symptoms they should help you. When I told mine I heard voices (a whispering voice) I was put on the right meds and the voice went away. I guess I was lucky, but you could have the same experience with meds, if that was the path you took.
I don't know about the fainting. I occasionally grey out a bit, but I don't fully faint.
Good luck.
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Post by ellief on Sept 16, 2013 21:02:49 GMT
Yeah, the thing with meds is they are trying to keep me off them until my liver is functioning normally (I have liver damage from overdosing) and I'm terrified of anti-psychotics because of the weight gain (I have anorexia). I told someone yesterday because I had to have a psych assessment, and he said he will speak to my care co-ordinator, and I'm seeing her on Thursday so I guess we go from there. I guess it could be part of my BPD diagnosis, I dno. Someone also suggested schizoaffective disorder but I don't know. I also don't trust myself so I wouldn't want to say I have something, I don't trust that judgement.
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Post by astoldbyfrankie on Sept 23, 2013 14:28:03 GMT
It could be a whole range of things - really you need to see a psychiatrist (and be honest with them) to get a proper diagnosis. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2008 because I had voices telling me to kill myself of they'd kill other people, and I became deluded that I was killing people. It was a really scary time so I can understand what you're going through. xx
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Post by ellief on Sept 24, 2013 18:09:06 GMT
Thanks. The only psychiatrist Ive seen (in a psychiatric ward) said she wouldn't diagnose me with anything until I was 25 because im not an adult (im 19). Yet she did diagnose me with unspecified personality disorder, probably borderline and anxious avoidance type because at the professionals meeting all the other staff disagreed with her. I tried to tell my care co-ordinator again but she just said yes the non psychotic hallucinations. So I gave up. Im not allowed therapy because of my high death risk, until my score for that is lower, then I will be able to speak to a psychiatrist probably.
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Post by Rebecca92 on Sept 25, 2013 14:16:56 GMT
I've not got any precise experience with this but I understand your worry about the weight gain associated with anti psychotics.
I have anorexia, bipolar 2 and BPD and have been taking quetiapine for a month and a half -- I've not gained any weight. My research has told me that quetiapine makes it difficult to feel full which is where weight gain often sneaks in.
Also, I understand your frustration about not knowing if you've got psychotic symptoms or not as I have visual hallucinations (apparently) and these have been labelled as part of my BPD/bipolar.
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Post by ellief on Sept 25, 2013 18:26:44 GMT
Ok, thanks. Well, that's the thing, I've not been diagnosed as bipolar, but hearing voices isn't common in bpd if you believe their real. And my symptoms fit with bipolar, or with schizo-affective disorder because my mania isn't very manic, and I don't let other people see it. My team don't seem to understand that I am scared of the main voice in my head that speaks, and I know others can't hear him but I do think he is real, he must be or I wouldn't hear him. Does that make sense? I dont hear him aloud, I hear him inside my head, so I can't down it out with music or earplugs because it's inside. But they just say "if you know there isn't a real man living inside your head and you know others cannot hear it then it's not true psychosis." Not sure what to do tbh :/
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Post by Rebecca92 on Sept 26, 2013 5:03:34 GMT
I get you.
I believe that I live in a different world (the Middle Space) and Shadow (he exists externally from me) is trying to drag me across and into the Other Space - something that can only be achieved through death.
I was told that because I acknowledged that no one else could see them and admitted maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me that it couldn't be psychosis. At the same time, it's real for me and I am terrified of Shadow because he has the ability to control my body if there is even a single chink in my armour.
I was told that it can't be schizoaffective disorder as hallucinations associated with it and normally in a period of 'normal' mood where I was clearly in a depression.
I don't know if this has made any sense at all..
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Post by ellief on Sept 26, 2013 10:01:20 GMT
Mine can be at any time. In fact, the screaming I hear is almost constant, it just changes in volume and intensity. Just feels like cry care co-ordinator isn't listening properly. And I don't see a psychiatrist, so I can't tell them!
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Post by Rebecca92 on Oct 3, 2013 18:28:25 GMT
I literally had to fight tooth and nail to see a psychiatrist, it was ridiculous. In the end, it's the psychiatrist that will give you an 'official' diagnosis. Even after I saw a psych on the NHS I felt absolutely failed as he refused to diagnose me. My family had to club together to put some money in a pot for me to get a second opinion from a private psychiatrist as I had been in and out of A&E so much and it was getting fairly desperate.
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Post by ellief on Oct 3, 2013 20:03:33 GMT
I have seen one,I was admitted to a psych ward and diagnosed with unspecified personality disorder, borderline and anxious and avoidant types. But I didntget along with her at all. She basically told me you can't be diagnosed under 26. BULLSHIT. (Sorry for my language).
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Post by willard1986 on Jul 7, 2014 9:59:25 GMT
I guess you will get lucky based on where you go. As for me, I got lucky... I went wildly delusional on a bike ride from noon till it got dark out which was the summer, I think like 9 pm. Ended up at a strangers house asking to be took to a particular hospital because my symptoms gotten worse. I have been there before on a suicide attempt but was took to a different location, same company. The second visit, they just asked me what I thought I had and I told them schizophrenia. So that stuck with me and the wild bike ride to no where helped reinforce my story. The delusions at the time were the belief of talking to g-d when I turned my head... want to say left and the devil, the opposite side. Wasnt much hallucinations at the time but more thought injection I now understand. What then (2010) was mild schizophrenia with a shot in the dark decision has developed into actual hallucination both auditory and visual though it only happens, well used to 1-2 times a month. At that, was a series of hallucinations per day. Oddly, I would get hallucinations on the night after I received the injection regardless if it was Invega or Abilify. I theorized it was a intelligent disorder. What really reinforced the intelligence is the day in 2010 that it had spoken verbally, meaning out loud. Ever since I talk to it and we have made a close relationship as I no longer experience hallucination as frequent more or less because I started to lie to my psychiatrist about it. Saying that I was all good now. As for it speaking verbally, it took sometime to build up its language skills to what they are, fluent now. Not sounding out as much as creating phrases and making new ones every once in a while. The first phrase I remember it saying is "were working on it" which now I understand is my dreams. It does not speak in phrases anymore and creates sentences normally but easily distinguished from myself as like tongue twisting, with words on meanings on top of meanings that easily confuse me. My advice for you is to stay out of trouble or they will take your illness and brand you with it for as long as... currently for the crime I committed, until 2017, but of course I mean it will be different for anybody. Luckily I had the illness before the crime committed and I got NGRI. No joke, I dont brag about it either because it sucks to be under conditional release (like probation) with rules I have to follow. Not saying you should do anything crazy but... usually an involvement with authority and the scenario of the conflict will determine if you really have an illness. So really if I would/could redo it I would keep it to myself and again get branded with it. Mainly because people treat you differently unless your illness really impairs you to the point that it interferes with daily routine (guidelines for disability here in the US), its not really worth the trouble of getting people to take notice or people to know period (not trying to sound like your trying to get attention).
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