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Post by Alwyn on Aug 28, 2013 12:18:03 GMT
I don't know how many of you live by yourselves or with a partner, but atm I am home with mom. Our relationship is very shaky - far too many disagreements - and life can be impossible far too often. I know I must get out, find a place of my own, and sooner the better!
You see, my mom suffers with a mental illness too, and combined with my own it doesn't make for a healthy cocktail of happiness or contentment. I am deeply unhappy living here. Just too afraid to take that leap and move out, if I'm honest. But I know staying with her is preventing any chance of getting better - and it is destroying our relationship as mother and son.
Perhaps a distance would improve things?
I'm in my thirties and feel like a disaster for still being in this situation. It didnt help when a psychiatrist once said I was "backward" for still living with my mom - I was in the psychiatric hospital when he said that to me, vulnerable, his comments still play on my mind.
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Post by Bex on Aug 28, 2013 18:42:19 GMT
Hey Al,
It can be very difficult living with a parent that has a mental health disorder, from experience. My Mum had a whole cocktail of disorders along with an addiction to drink and then drugs. We were constantly at each others throats in my teens, when I was going through depression, and I ended up moving out.
At first I felt relived to have moved out and be away from the situation and then I began to miss her. I thought only of the positive things and her and I became very close again. Distance definitely seemed to have helped in our situation.
There are other aspects to think about too though. Where would you live and how would you afford it? This is probably the biggest one. You need to put a plan together, thinking of everything that needs to be done and covered. Once you have a plan in place it will become a lot easier to ensure you've got the wheels in motion, the right way.
I don't think that you should feel like a disaster and certainly not 'backward' for still living with your mother. I know some people who lived with their parents long into their late thirties and early fourties. However, if you do want to salvage a relationship with your mother then some space apart could certainly do you good.
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Post by Toni-Louise on Aug 31, 2013 14:06:40 GMT
Alwyn I agree with Bex although it can be very difficult living with a parent who has mental health problems,which I also know from experience,It can be very difficult getting moved out and you have a lot to think about and arrange,because you don't want to end up living somewhere you don't like or not being able to afford it My opinion is that it would be best to find someone to move in with,perhaps a close friend? I think it could get very lonely and sometimes you may not feel you have a support system and it can make you feel worse(obviously this is just what I think and also it can make paying for it much easier, however you do have to be VERY careful who you move in with). Also with the state the economy is in now there will be many people still living with parents into their 30's it doesn't mean that you are a disaster and that guy was very much out of line,that is a shocking thing for him to say.
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Post by xxxxxxx on Sept 22, 2013 19:33:53 GMT
Hi Al, My mum has never been diagnosed with a mental health problem, and has never spoken to the doctor about it. She's from a family that don't really 'believe' in things like that... but I've often thought she may have something. So growing up with her was often turbulent, and we've had a shaky relationship. I refused to go to school because I was being bullied, I was incredibly depressed and self harming. She couldn't understand, got very angry at me for not going to school, and I felt really alone. She told my head of year about my self harm and my head of year organised my first mental health appointment. I don't think she knew how to deal with me/it at all. But years later, I've moved out and moved to a different county (but still about three hours away so not too far). Our relationship is FAR better now. I think we're both really oversensitive and can rub each other up the wrong way, so us keeping in touch and visiting each other works a lot better than living together. That's just the way it is sometimes - it doesn't mean we love each other any less. I love her to bits.
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Post by figarofunk on Sept 27, 2013 21:19:33 GMT
When I was younger and lived with my mother, I could hide my depression with teenage moodiness. My mother is great and supportive but too has a case of extreme shyness, its held her back. As I got older I knew something was wrong with me and went to the doctors for medication. At 20 when I moved out of home (Birmingham) to Uni (London) I would say that I self medicated partied too hard and had a break down. Moving back to Birmingham I lived with friends and that had its moments, some time I wanted to shut myself away but then they must have thought I was been rude.
This last year which was the worst year of my life I was living with my boyfriend, he became my carer it was so hard for him, but he was just so supportive. I was close to loosing my job for the extending absence for my mental health issues and so at aged 33 I have had to move back to mums. I am in my box room typing away as we speak. Some days I feel as though I have failed, that I am taking 10 steps backwards. But moving back to mum's is what has helped me get back into work, back to the gym & nearly back to my old self. I have just got to think its not a long term plan, but I am taking my time to make sure I am well enough to live away from home again. You have to always put your health first,if living at home is best for your health there is no shame in it!! I totally understand how you feel xoxo
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