Post by martymart on Aug 6, 2013 22:54:50 GMT
Hi everyone, how’s it going?
I'm new to this place, I was told about it from a friend who is already on here called Phate.
I’m 25 years old, and live in the UK.
I suffer from BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder). I have had it from about the age of 8 to 10, somewhere around then. I was told that I was ugly from school bullies, but at the time I didn’t take much notice of it, I just thought they were being a-holes.
But as time went on I began agreeing with them, started paying much closer attention to myself in the mirror, and noticing that I really hated my looks. Every time I left the house I got very self-conscious, and think everyone is looking at me thinking ‘what an ugly mofo’ or whatever, and I hate looking at new people directly in the eye, because when they look at me, I think they are looking for faults and flaws in my face, I then begin to lose focus of the conversation and start worrying about what they think of me, and completely forget what they are saying.
I try and check my appearance in a mirror or reflective surface, looking for faults in my face. Well, it depends actually, if the mirror is completely clean, I want to avoid looking at myself. But if the mirror is a bit dirty, I want to check myself for faults... :/. I really don’t like my face what-so-ever, it’s not symmetrical, I hate my eyes, lips, nose, ears, chin… just everything really. I constantly worry about my looks ALL day, like literally, alllllllllll day, its soooooo draining. I hate it when people compliment me, saying how good I look, but I know they are just being nice, but don’t actually mean it. People say I am attractive, but I don’t believe them, because I KNOW I am not… you know if you’re good looking or not. But the weird thing is, when I’m out with all my friends, these feelings go away completely, and I can be myself. The more people the better, because there are more people to be looked at, instead of just me? If you see what I’m saying… it’s weird. But if I’m one-to-one, I scan to make sure they are genuine about talking to me, and within a couple of minutes to an hour or so, I know I can be myself around that particular person… weird I know:/ .
I had a GF for 10 months last year (got dumped on new years eve 2012-13). When she said she liked me, I thought to myself, wow, maybe it’s all just in my head… The feeling of what I said above were still there, but were reduced by at least 80%, and was slowly going away… But she dumped me, I found out I was just a rebound, and used me just to fill a void in her life… so to me, it didn’t count. I was the most convenient for her, she had no one else except me, then someone else came along, (an old friend) and they got together. So when I found that out it was crazy, I was even more self-conscious than ever before, it was like what I said before, but a ka-zillian times worse… because she didn’t really like me, she used me because I was the only one giving her attention and helping her.
So time went on, and it progressively got worse, then about a week ago I hit an all-time low. Told my mum about it (I hadn’t told anyone until about a week ago) and she was quite worried and told me to go to the doctors, which I did. I had to do some sort of quiz thing, then she confirmed that I had it, but only mildly. And she said I could take anti-depressants, or try CBT. I chose the CBT route, because I don’t want to take anti-depressants, because I’m not depressed, I’m a happy guy, just not with my looks.
So my question to anyone out there, can anyone relate? And has anyone tried CBT? Will it work? Because I know that no one can convince me, ever in the history of everness. So it will be interesting to see what happens I guess :/ But I really want these feelings to go away, because it's not healthy, and shouldn't be feeling like this. :/
But I honestly don't think I have BDD, I think i'm just being harshly blunt and honest with my appearance. But I'm told that I feel this way because of BDD... confusing! But I really think I'm just honest with myself.
Thanks!
I'm new to this place, I was told about it from a friend who is already on here called Phate.
I’m 25 years old, and live in the UK.
I suffer from BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder). I have had it from about the age of 8 to 10, somewhere around then. I was told that I was ugly from school bullies, but at the time I didn’t take much notice of it, I just thought they were being a-holes.
But as time went on I began agreeing with them, started paying much closer attention to myself in the mirror, and noticing that I really hated my looks. Every time I left the house I got very self-conscious, and think everyone is looking at me thinking ‘what an ugly mofo’ or whatever, and I hate looking at new people directly in the eye, because when they look at me, I think they are looking for faults and flaws in my face, I then begin to lose focus of the conversation and start worrying about what they think of me, and completely forget what they are saying.
I try and check my appearance in a mirror or reflective surface, looking for faults in my face. Well, it depends actually, if the mirror is completely clean, I want to avoid looking at myself. But if the mirror is a bit dirty, I want to check myself for faults... :/. I really don’t like my face what-so-ever, it’s not symmetrical, I hate my eyes, lips, nose, ears, chin… just everything really. I constantly worry about my looks ALL day, like literally, alllllllllll day, its soooooo draining. I hate it when people compliment me, saying how good I look, but I know they are just being nice, but don’t actually mean it. People say I am attractive, but I don’t believe them, because I KNOW I am not… you know if you’re good looking or not. But the weird thing is, when I’m out with all my friends, these feelings go away completely, and I can be myself. The more people the better, because there are more people to be looked at, instead of just me? If you see what I’m saying… it’s weird. But if I’m one-to-one, I scan to make sure they are genuine about talking to me, and within a couple of minutes to an hour or so, I know I can be myself around that particular person… weird I know:/ .
I had a GF for 10 months last year (got dumped on new years eve 2012-13). When she said she liked me, I thought to myself, wow, maybe it’s all just in my head… The feeling of what I said above were still there, but were reduced by at least 80%, and was slowly going away… But she dumped me, I found out I was just a rebound, and used me just to fill a void in her life… so to me, it didn’t count. I was the most convenient for her, she had no one else except me, then someone else came along, (an old friend) and they got together. So when I found that out it was crazy, I was even more self-conscious than ever before, it was like what I said before, but a ka-zillian times worse… because she didn’t really like me, she used me because I was the only one giving her attention and helping her.
So time went on, and it progressively got worse, then about a week ago I hit an all-time low. Told my mum about it (I hadn’t told anyone until about a week ago) and she was quite worried and told me to go to the doctors, which I did. I had to do some sort of quiz thing, then she confirmed that I had it, but only mildly. And she said I could take anti-depressants, or try CBT. I chose the CBT route, because I don’t want to take anti-depressants, because I’m not depressed, I’m a happy guy, just not with my looks.
So my question to anyone out there, can anyone relate? And has anyone tried CBT? Will it work? Because I know that no one can convince me, ever in the history of everness. So it will be interesting to see what happens I guess :/ But I really want these feelings to go away, because it's not healthy, and shouldn't be feeling like this. :/
But I honestly don't think I have BDD, I think i'm just being harshly blunt and honest with my appearance. But I'm told that I feel this way because of BDD... confusing! But I really think I'm just honest with myself.
Thanks!
