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Post by ellief on Jan 15, 2014 15:45:54 GMT
TW.
Im so so tired of having all these shit eating disorder thoughts in my head, but I've got no energy to fight. I've started blacking out again, which happens when my body is completely out of having enough energy and especially when im anxious. But it's just too hard to eat and none of the services seems to care. Honestly I wish they would take the decision away from me, just make me well. But no one wants to bloody help. Even my dietician says every single time that she can't help until I've seen an ED specialist and they keep saying no. When I want to get better no one helps. Im so fed up of living, and unless I nearly kill myself through starvation it seems no one will help. I feel so stuck.
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Post by lucyrob on Jan 16, 2014 2:06:34 GMT
Hey Hun, this seems so unfair. The NHS aren't always spot on with providing support for those who need it. I don't know what to suggest other than to go back to your GP and try again?
I honestly, don't know what else to say... I've very limited knowledge of how to cope with an ED, but I'm here for a chat if you need it.
We're here to support you through this!
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Post by ellief on Jan 16, 2014 19:31:32 GMT
Thank you.
I've spoken to both beat and my GP and a duty worker from my mental health team today.
Beat encouraged me to ask for support again.
My GP said she can't do anymore than she has done.
The duty worker told me to go for a nice long walk despite me telling her I hadnt eaten in nearly two days and couldn't manage any food and standing up makes me dizzy and I kept fainting.
So I've written my care co-ordinator a letter stating how desperate I am for more help, and how suicidal this is making me. I just have to hope she reads it tomorrow and does something. Im not drastically underweight, but have now lost 8kg since end of November. :/
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Post by lucyrob on Jan 17, 2014 20:13:14 GMT
Right, so until you can access the help you need, do you have sufficient positive support/coping methods you can rely on?  |
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Post by ellief on Jan 23, 2014 12:40:48 GMT
I've been given several books to read and told that once I've finished my Guided Formulation I will be able to choose what to tackle.
I have some support, friends, but im finding it hard to let them in. I dont have many positive coping strategies at the moment, but I'll just have to keep going.
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Post by lucyrob on Jan 23, 2014 13:20:13 GMT
Have the books been any help for you?
Maybe you should try talking to them hun? They may be more understanding than you think.
Have you seen the post on here somewhere about positivity boxes?
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Post by Helen on Jan 23, 2014 17:27:22 GMT
I can't believe that they aren't willing to help you. Hugs. It's stupid if you have to wait until you pass out or are at a dangerously low weight before they will take you seriously. It's so much more damaging to tackle it when you are visible ill  I don't really know what to suggest but I'm around if you want to talk. I only have experience with bulimia and I remember how horrible it was to not be able to do anything because your energy levels are so low. I actually also have IBS and that sometimes means I don't digest anything which has similar effects. I really hope the NHS start taking you seriously soon because it's just not fair. |
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Post by ellief on Jan 25, 2014 21:39:40 GMT
Thank you both.
The books are interesting, not overly helpful as I don't binge eat particularly, I just puke when I feel what I've eaten is too much, it never technically is. But I shall do as im told, if I don't they can say I don't want help because I dont do what they recommend, so I will do it.
My friends know I have an eating disorder, but theres only one friend I really really trust no matter what, because we have a not-lying agreement and he and his wife have supported me like I was part of their family. He helps, but is lost to what to do other than listen.
I've spoken to beat, but there are no services from them near me. I've attempted to join AnorexiaBulimiaCare, but been told they have no befrienders at the moment, that they will say when they do, but that was in September. I've contacted SWEDA but their services are too far for me to travel.
I've been to the point of passing out 20-30 times a day, from a combination of eating very little and continual panic attacks, people who I lived with at the time wouldnt allow me out alone in case I passed out in public or in a road. I then got severe liver damage and had forced weight gain, which is the only reason I recovered. Im at a lower weight now than I was then, although im eating slightly more currently.
They don't seem to care.
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I don't really know what to suggest but I'm around if you want to talk. I only have experience with bulimia and I remember how horrible it was to not be able to do anything because your energy levels are so low. I actually also have IBS and that sometimes means I don't digest anything which has similar effects.