Post by carrie86 on Sept 6, 2013 7:59:41 GMT
Hello Everyone, sorry I haven't posted on here for a while...Thought I would let you know how my week has been! It's been up and down as you can imagine
Sunday: woke up feeling anxious like I should be trying to go outside today, very low self esteem feel over weight, hair too long (not brave enough to go get it cut) all of this leads to me making excuses as to why I shouldn't go out with my boyfriend today.....couldn't work out if I was making excuses due to the anxiety or if I really was just feeling down about not getting my hair cut or getting in shape! one of those days I suppose.
Monday: Feel anxious today and having heart palpitations and skipping beats....oh the joy! My brother is coming round and we are attempting a walk today that's obviously what is making my heart do somersaults. Walk starts off ok (I always feel safer when I am with someone) but after a little while I start to feel the panic set in...here we go the battle begins! trying to fight off negative thoughts with positive one's.. pretty hard to do along with fighting the feeling of just wanting to run back to my flat as fast as my legs will carry me, along with the sweats, dizziness and the faint feeling! I got to say I am feeling pretty rough! I keep going though as I know the only way to get past this is to see it through no matter how painful it gets (mentally and physically) things get a bit much so we stop walking and sit somewhere for a while so I can deal with it all! the feelings start to subside but my mind is in overdrive as usual!! we stay where we are and I actually enjoy the sun on my face and the slight breeze coming off the sea despite my thoughts trying to tell me this is all wrong. We head home and I must say I am knackered...early night for me!
Tuesday: Feeling really worn out today, can't work out weather I am ill or just worn out from the anxiety and panic. I need to go out today though as we are out of milk and my boyfriend is not home until 5!! off I go with my safety behaviors..bottle of water...bachs herbal remedy...mobile phone at the ready to call someone! my local shop is about 3 mins away (if I walk fast...which I usually do) I put my shoe's on and I feel a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach but I know I need to do this ...not only for the milk but for me and to overcome this illness. Off I stomp to the shop as I get near I have a skipped heart beat it almost feels like I can't catch my breathe...they are always the worst ones for me! I carry on.. twitching my fingers as they feel like they are not there! I get in the shop and grab some milk, off to the checkout...deep breath! once all bought and paid for I head home walking slower than I did the way there. I feel re-leaved and a great sense of achievement along with thinking get me home!!
Wednesday: Feel like I have been hit by a bus today, I'm tired, I ache and can't think straight! think today will be a chill day, the mental marathons of the last couple of days have taken their toll. Sofa it is with some rubbish TV and time with my gorgeous little bunny rabbit.
Thursday: Can't say I am feeling any better today I have really struggled with getting up at 6.30 (I always get up with my boyfriend to stick to a routine) I feel so tired and have little interest anything or energy to do anything. Feel stuck in loop... a very frustrating loop, I get up have breakfast, clean! get washed and dressed (with nowhere to go) and practically wait for my boyfriend to come home....life as an agoraphobic can feel so isolating!
Today......I feel a little better my gorgeous little bunny is poorly so she has to go to the vet later, Steve (the boyfriend) booked an appointment for when he is back from work so we can maybe both go! Fingers crossed I can make it! I'll keep you posted....
Take care
Carrie
xx Think positive xx
Sunday: woke up feeling anxious like I should be trying to go outside today, very low self esteem feel over weight, hair too long (not brave enough to go get it cut) all of this leads to me making excuses as to why I shouldn't go out with my boyfriend today.....couldn't work out if I was making excuses due to the anxiety or if I really was just feeling down about not getting my hair cut or getting in shape! one of those days I suppose.
Monday: Feel anxious today and having heart palpitations and skipping beats....oh the joy! My brother is coming round and we are attempting a walk today that's obviously what is making my heart do somersaults. Walk starts off ok (I always feel safer when I am with someone) but after a little while I start to feel the panic set in...here we go the battle begins! trying to fight off negative thoughts with positive one's.. pretty hard to do along with fighting the feeling of just wanting to run back to my flat as fast as my legs will carry me, along with the sweats, dizziness and the faint feeling! I got to say I am feeling pretty rough! I keep going though as I know the only way to get past this is to see it through no matter how painful it gets (mentally and physically) things get a bit much so we stop walking and sit somewhere for a while so I can deal with it all! the feelings start to subside but my mind is in overdrive as usual!! we stay where we are and I actually enjoy the sun on my face and the slight breeze coming off the sea despite my thoughts trying to tell me this is all wrong. We head home and I must say I am knackered...early night for me!
Tuesday: Feeling really worn out today, can't work out weather I am ill or just worn out from the anxiety and panic. I need to go out today though as we are out of milk and my boyfriend is not home until 5!! off I go with my safety behaviors..bottle of water...bachs herbal remedy...mobile phone at the ready to call someone! my local shop is about 3 mins away (if I walk fast...which I usually do) I put my shoe's on and I feel a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach but I know I need to do this ...not only for the milk but for me and to overcome this illness. Off I stomp to the shop as I get near I have a skipped heart beat it almost feels like I can't catch my breathe...they are always the worst ones for me! I carry on.. twitching my fingers as they feel like they are not there! I get in the shop and grab some milk, off to the checkout...deep breath! once all bought and paid for I head home walking slower than I did the way there. I feel re-leaved and a great sense of achievement along with thinking get me home!!
Wednesday: Feel like I have been hit by a bus today, I'm tired, I ache and can't think straight! think today will be a chill day, the mental marathons of the last couple of days have taken their toll. Sofa it is with some rubbish TV and time with my gorgeous little bunny rabbit.
Thursday: Can't say I am feeling any better today I have really struggled with getting up at 6.30 (I always get up with my boyfriend to stick to a routine) I feel so tired and have little interest anything or energy to do anything. Feel stuck in loop... a very frustrating loop, I get up have breakfast, clean! get washed and dressed (with nowhere to go) and practically wait for my boyfriend to come home....life as an agoraphobic can feel so isolating!
Today......I feel a little better my gorgeous little bunny is poorly so she has to go to the vet later, Steve (the boyfriend) booked an appointment for when he is back from work so we can maybe both go! Fingers crossed I can make it! I'll keep you posted....
Take care
Carrie
xx Think positive xx