Post by Bex on Aug 26, 2013 14:59:39 GMT
I know that agoraphobia is different for everyone that lives with it, so I thought I'd go through some of my own personal experiences when it comes to what makes me panic, particularly leaving the house.
Some people with agoraphobia cannot leave the house at all and are completely housebound. When I first started to notice my disorder I was completely housebound and wouldn't leave the safe confines of my flat. I wouldn't even open the curtains, because I didn't want people to see through into my flat. It was only Jake dragging me into a taxi (practically kicking and screaming) before I went to a doctor and actually admitted that there was obviously some kind of problem.
It has now been a year since I was first diagnosed with agoraphobia and things have started to get better, but there's still that problem of 'leaving the house'. In the last year I have left my front door, on my own, only twice. Both times have been with the dog, Chewy, as she seems to make me feel a little bit safer. If I do have to leave the house then it will be with Jake or another safe person, but I freak out at the thought of going on my own. What is odd however, is that recently I was in a situation where Chewy needed to go to the vets urgently and Jake was in London. A friend of mine offered to drive me to the vets (which is at the back of a large Pets at Home store) but couldn't go in with me or take me back, as it was her Dad's birthday. With Chewy being really ill I agreed and when I got into the vets I felt fine. I spoke to a few people in the queue (Chewy gets lots of attention) and even managed to stand outside the shop and wait for a taxi home. It's only when I got home that it all sunk in and I had a panic attack. I put that down to adrenaline, but it still makes me feel very proud.
When I used to have to leave the house months ago there would be a big panic attack before going anywhere and I would take hours to get ready (making a ton of excuses along the way) before I would even consider going out with Jake. Recently, I've been happy(ish) to go out without any make up on and my hair all messy, which is a big step for me. Admittedly, I always ask Jake if I look alright (about 100 times) before we get to the shop or whatever and then I'll try and hide behind him if someone is looking at me BUT I'm leaving the house and that, for me, is such a great thing.
I know that I can get better and I know that my fear of leaving the house is just part of my disorder. I'd love to be able to just pop to the shops, take Chewy for lots of walks or go into town without having to wait for Jake to get home or a friend to come pick me up. I still get people thinking I'm just lazy or can't be bothered, but that's fine. They're entitled to their opinion but the people I care about know what it's like, they've seen me panic and cling onto the door frame. One day, I'll walk to the doubters houses, knock on their door and give them my two cents
Some people with agoraphobia cannot leave the house at all and are completely housebound. When I first started to notice my disorder I was completely housebound and wouldn't leave the safe confines of my flat. I wouldn't even open the curtains, because I didn't want people to see through into my flat. It was only Jake dragging me into a taxi (practically kicking and screaming) before I went to a doctor and actually admitted that there was obviously some kind of problem.
It has now been a year since I was first diagnosed with agoraphobia and things have started to get better, but there's still that problem of 'leaving the house'. In the last year I have left my front door, on my own, only twice. Both times have been with the dog, Chewy, as she seems to make me feel a little bit safer. If I do have to leave the house then it will be with Jake or another safe person, but I freak out at the thought of going on my own. What is odd however, is that recently I was in a situation where Chewy needed to go to the vets urgently and Jake was in London. A friend of mine offered to drive me to the vets (which is at the back of a large Pets at Home store) but couldn't go in with me or take me back, as it was her Dad's birthday. With Chewy being really ill I agreed and when I got into the vets I felt fine. I spoke to a few people in the queue (Chewy gets lots of attention) and even managed to stand outside the shop and wait for a taxi home. It's only when I got home that it all sunk in and I had a panic attack. I put that down to adrenaline, but it still makes me feel very proud.
When I used to have to leave the house months ago there would be a big panic attack before going anywhere and I would take hours to get ready (making a ton of excuses along the way) before I would even consider going out with Jake. Recently, I've been happy(ish) to go out without any make up on and my hair all messy, which is a big step for me. Admittedly, I always ask Jake if I look alright (about 100 times) before we get to the shop or whatever and then I'll try and hide behind him if someone is looking at me BUT I'm leaving the house and that, for me, is such a great thing.
I know that I can get better and I know that my fear of leaving the house is just part of my disorder. I'd love to be able to just pop to the shops, take Chewy for lots of walks or go into town without having to wait for Jake to get home or a friend to come pick me up. I still get people thinking I'm just lazy or can't be bothered, but that's fine. They're entitled to their opinion but the people I care about know what it's like, they've seen me panic and cling onto the door frame. One day, I'll walk to the doubters houses, knock on their door and give them my two cents