Post by Kimberley on Aug 23, 2013 19:39:57 GMT
I can't believe I'm posting this but here goes..! *deep breath*
I suffer from Trichotillomania. That's a wee bit hard to write, and I'll tell you why. At the age of 10, my auntie noticed at a family gathering I didn't have any eyelashes. I cried, and got extremely upset, blaming it on the chlorine in the pool where I went swimming with school. My mum took me to a walk-in centre where they said they'd never seen anything like it.
After this, things got a bit frantic. I went to various GP appointments, and had some [traumatising!] blood tests done at the hospital and had visits with specialist consultants. I was eventually given a diagnosis of Alopecia Areata, which is a form of hair loss. It can be brought on by a variety of things, but in my case, the doctors put it down to stress. I wasn't offered any further treatment or medication, and was on my way.
For years, I struggled to cope with this, whilst all the time hiding a very big secret. I've now just turned 22, and for the first time since the age of 10, I told my fiancé the truth about what really happened about a month ago. My eyelashes hadn't fallen out, I had pulled them out, and I have been doing it ever since.
After tears and tears and tears, I told James about what had really happened. I am slowly recovering from another nasty bout of depression and I decided to tell him when I felt I couldn't hold on to this secret on my own any longer. For 12 years I had told everyone around me that when they saw gaps in my eyelashes, they had fallen out. Telling James was a big thing for me, and it took me 40 minutes to say it, after keeping the truth locked away for so long. I'm so lucky for his response - he held me and said I should have told him sooner but he understood and it was okay.
I then went on to tell my mum, which was of course another massive thing. She'd lived with me having gaps in my lashes for years and years, and thought nothing of it after the consultant at the hospital gave the Alopecia diagnosis. Telling her just a few weeks back was surreal, but I was surprised by her response. Yet again, she said the same as James, and she wishes I'd have told her before.
Looking back now, at the age of 10, I saw how concerned my family were that day, and I was just a kid who was scared of getting told off. I didn't want to be grounded, or not be allowed any chocolate for a week! So, I lied. And that lie lived with me for years, all throughout high school, all through jobs, and my relationship with James. I was ashamed to be honest. Who on earth pulls their eyelashes out?! I felt like the only person in the entire world who did it, and I never knew it had a name until just a few months back.
So what is Trichotillomania? It's a compulsive urge to pull your hair out and you're unable to stop yourself from doing so. For me, that's my eyelashes and my eyebrows. For others, it could be just one type of hair, or a combination, including the hair on your head, under your arms and pubic hair as well. In some cases, people eat the hair, which can of course be serious as it could cause a sort of hairball, the same as in cats. I don't suffer with this urge, but I do find it therapeutic to sometimes brush an eyelash across my lip or something similar. I feel very embarrassed about this condition but I'm trying to speak up about it more, because of how debilitating it can actually be. Thank goodness for liquid eyeliner and brow pencils!
Here's some information from the NHS Choices website:
Most people with trichotillomania pull out hair from their scalp, but some pull out hair from other areas. These include eyebrows, eyelashes, genital area, underarm area, arms, legs, chest or tummy, or facial hair such as a beard or moustache.
People with trichotillomania feel an intense urge to pull their hair out and growing tension until they do. After pulling their hair out, they feel a sense of relief. Hair pulling may sometimes be a response to a stressful situation, or may be done without really thinking about it.
Trichotillomania can cause negative feelings, such as guilt. You may feel embarrassed or ashamed about pulling your hair out, and may try to deny it or cover it up. Trichotillomania can also make you feel unattractive and may lead to low self-esteem. Trichotillomania may be a reflection of emotional or psychological distress, although the person with the condition may not always be aware of this. For example, hair pulling may be a way to cope with feelings of stress or self-loathing. In this way, it may be seen as a type of self-harm, where you injure yourself on purpose as a way of coping with emotional distress or anxiety.
Some people with trichotillomania chew and swallow the hair they pull out. This is known as trichophagia. Eating your hair causes hair balls called trichobezoars to form in your stomach or bowel.
Sometimes, people with trichotillomania will have other related mental disorders such as:
an anxiety disorder
a mood disorder, such as depression
an eating disorder
a substance misuse disorder, such as drug misuse
a personality disorder
Thanks for reading, I feel a bit better for speaking out! x
I suffer from Trichotillomania. That's a wee bit hard to write, and I'll tell you why. At the age of 10, my auntie noticed at a family gathering I didn't have any eyelashes. I cried, and got extremely upset, blaming it on the chlorine in the pool where I went swimming with school. My mum took me to a walk-in centre where they said they'd never seen anything like it.
After this, things got a bit frantic. I went to various GP appointments, and had some [traumatising!] blood tests done at the hospital and had visits with specialist consultants. I was eventually given a diagnosis of Alopecia Areata, which is a form of hair loss. It can be brought on by a variety of things, but in my case, the doctors put it down to stress. I wasn't offered any further treatment or medication, and was on my way.
For years, I struggled to cope with this, whilst all the time hiding a very big secret. I've now just turned 22, and for the first time since the age of 10, I told my fiancé the truth about what really happened about a month ago. My eyelashes hadn't fallen out, I had pulled them out, and I have been doing it ever since.
After tears and tears and tears, I told James about what had really happened. I am slowly recovering from another nasty bout of depression and I decided to tell him when I felt I couldn't hold on to this secret on my own any longer. For 12 years I had told everyone around me that when they saw gaps in my eyelashes, they had fallen out. Telling James was a big thing for me, and it took me 40 minutes to say it, after keeping the truth locked away for so long. I'm so lucky for his response - he held me and said I should have told him sooner but he understood and it was okay.
I then went on to tell my mum, which was of course another massive thing. She'd lived with me having gaps in my lashes for years and years, and thought nothing of it after the consultant at the hospital gave the Alopecia diagnosis. Telling her just a few weeks back was surreal, but I was surprised by her response. Yet again, she said the same as James, and she wishes I'd have told her before.
Looking back now, at the age of 10, I saw how concerned my family were that day, and I was just a kid who was scared of getting told off. I didn't want to be grounded, or not be allowed any chocolate for a week! So, I lied. And that lie lived with me for years, all throughout high school, all through jobs, and my relationship with James. I was ashamed to be honest. Who on earth pulls their eyelashes out?! I felt like the only person in the entire world who did it, and I never knew it had a name until just a few months back.
So what is Trichotillomania? It's a compulsive urge to pull your hair out and you're unable to stop yourself from doing so. For me, that's my eyelashes and my eyebrows. For others, it could be just one type of hair, or a combination, including the hair on your head, under your arms and pubic hair as well. In some cases, people eat the hair, which can of course be serious as it could cause a sort of hairball, the same as in cats. I don't suffer with this urge, but I do find it therapeutic to sometimes brush an eyelash across my lip or something similar. I feel very embarrassed about this condition but I'm trying to speak up about it more, because of how debilitating it can actually be. Thank goodness for liquid eyeliner and brow pencils!
Here's some information from the NHS Choices website:
Most people with trichotillomania pull out hair from their scalp, but some pull out hair from other areas. These include eyebrows, eyelashes, genital area, underarm area, arms, legs, chest or tummy, or facial hair such as a beard or moustache.
People with trichotillomania feel an intense urge to pull their hair out and growing tension until they do. After pulling their hair out, they feel a sense of relief. Hair pulling may sometimes be a response to a stressful situation, or may be done without really thinking about it.
Trichotillomania can cause negative feelings, such as guilt. You may feel embarrassed or ashamed about pulling your hair out, and may try to deny it or cover it up. Trichotillomania can also make you feel unattractive and may lead to low self-esteem. Trichotillomania may be a reflection of emotional or psychological distress, although the person with the condition may not always be aware of this. For example, hair pulling may be a way to cope with feelings of stress or self-loathing. In this way, it may be seen as a type of self-harm, where you injure yourself on purpose as a way of coping with emotional distress or anxiety.
Some people with trichotillomania chew and swallow the hair they pull out. This is known as trichophagia. Eating your hair causes hair balls called trichobezoars to form in your stomach or bowel.
Sometimes, people with trichotillomania will have other related mental disorders such as:
an anxiety disorder
a mood disorder, such as depression
an eating disorder
a substance misuse disorder, such as drug misuse
a personality disorder
Thanks for reading, I feel a bit better for speaking out! x