Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2013 10:01:28 GMT
I got with my ex Carl, in July 2007. He used to come and stay with me on weekends and Vice Versa. Thing's were great, drinking and having a laugh. Typical 19 year old's. In September 2007 he asked me to move in with him and his parents in Hertfordshire. I accepted and done the move from SE London to Stevenage, Hertfordshire.
I Moved in to his parents, still commuting to London for the next 2 weeks to work. I eventually started a job in Hertfordshire. Carl ended up losing his job for constantly having time off sick because he was too lazy to get up in the morning because he was drinking the night before.
We got our own place a month later. Had a lovely 1 bedroom House in the 'posh' quiet part of Stevenage, open plan kitchen living room, little front garden covered in Gravel with the cutest little fence. Couldn't believe my luck. That's when I started to see Carl's true colours. He had serious anger problems. Nearly every night we would argue, he would walk out or go and punch and kick the walls of the house or lock himself in the bathroom with a knife threatening to take his own life. This had become a regular occurrence. Even if I stayed quiet and tried to avoid an argument it still happened. He would block my only way out of a room in order to MAKE me argue with him. This guy was 6 foot and had weight behind him. Not muscle but fat. One evening I had no choice but to put him on his ass with one punch. He just wound me up so much I was left with no choice I wanted to evade the situation but couldn't because he was in the way shouting IN my face spitting saliva at me as he shouted.
We both got a new job and worked in the same office. He again would call in sick due to drinking too much the night before. I'm guessing it's possible you can see a pattern of drinking here. He then got me fired due to us being in a relationship. We had moved to a new flat shortly before we lost our jobs, a nice one bedroom flat. We had friends round regularly and although I tided every day, it still ended up messy by the end of the night. My friends would tidy after themselves as would I. But Carl would leave plates everywhere, dirty clothes everywhere, he would pull out ALL the PS2 games and leave them scattered around the living room and do the same with the DVD's. Glasses with alcohol in them on the windowsill and tables, and bottles of it everywhere. It was clear. I was living with an Alcoholic. I would speak to my friends who came round to see us. All but one at the time were male. At every gathering we had (almost every night) I would be shown up, shouted at and made to feel 2ft tall. One specific night I had just met a new friend, he was introduced by our circle of friends. Also a skater. He came up and was joining in the gathering etc and Carl had started insulting me infront of people, which is how it started. I told him to stop, and that we have company. To which his response was 'Say that to me again and I will rip your fucking throat out, understand?' Our new friend picked up his skateboard ready to smack Carl around the head with the trucks however Callum stopped him as it would only make it worse for me.
In November 2008 I got a new job, I had no choice but to leave Carl in charge of paying rent and sorting things out at home. I was working 9-5 and didn't have enough time to go and pay the rent myself. We we're going to see the Christmas lights switch on in town, I had given him bus fare in change but he 'deliberately' lost a pound coin so we didn't have to go and he could stay at home and drink. I said fine, I will go on my own as we have arranged to meet friends and I wanted to see the lights and fireworks. He immediately snapped. He took my phone from my hands threw it against the bedroom wall. It was in many different pieces and I couldn't contact anyone. I was scared. Really scared. I immediately burst into tears he pinned me up against the hallway wall outside my bedroom by my throat. Threatening to kill me. Telling me I am a slag, I'm fat, I am a whore no one else will ever want. Telling me how unpretty I was, and how no one actually liked me they just came up to see him. His grip was getting tighter. Callum (who had a set of keys) walked through the door and saw what was going on. He immediately loosened his grip and moved away from me. I went and locked myself in my bedroom and Callum asked Carl to leave. I used Callums phone to call my mum and she told me I needed to leave Carl.
The fact of the matter was I was too scared to leave him. I didn't know what repercussions there'd be. Everyday I heard 'You're fat, no one's going to want you, you're a whore, no one like's whores, you have no friends, you're a cunt, No one will ever love you except me' When we argued, or I TRIED to leave him, He would take a knife and lock himself in the bathroom and threaten to take his own life, OR he would leave the flat with the knife and threaten to do the same. He would ask male friends to 'leave it a couple days before coming around again' if me and them had had a conversation that lasted more than 10 minutes. And I was no longer allowed to speak to or see my mum without Carl's supervision. I was not allowed to speak to any male or female without Carl's supervision. I wasn't allowed to wear low cut tops, or skirts or dresses of any form. I wasn't allowed to go out without him, nor was I allowed to drink alcohol. I was only allowed to smoke cigarettes which were roll ups with no filters.
Callum one night saw how bad it got and offered me a place to stay. He text me this so I could read it and delete it. I stayed at Callums for one night after a huge group of my friends had said, she needs to get away what you're doing to her is wrong. I then built up the courage and confidence with Callum by my side to end the relationship with Carl. With no bathroom episodes. Just a straight pack you're bags and leave and never come back thing. And he did. But I couldn't have done it without Callum or my friends.
This is where my social Anxiety stems from, also my fear of confrontation and lack of confidence within myself.
Remember I said I had to get Carl to pay the rent? - That never happened, he met me from work with 6 bags filled with alcohol. I asked him if he paid the rent and he slurred at me that he bought alcohol with it instead. In January 2009 I lost my flat due to this act of selfishness and alcoholism but I wasn't with him at that point. I had to go back to London to stay for 6 weeks whilst I found a place to live. Callum moved in with me when I got that new place.
I Moved in to his parents, still commuting to London for the next 2 weeks to work. I eventually started a job in Hertfordshire. Carl ended up losing his job for constantly having time off sick because he was too lazy to get up in the morning because he was drinking the night before.
We got our own place a month later. Had a lovely 1 bedroom House in the 'posh' quiet part of Stevenage, open plan kitchen living room, little front garden covered in Gravel with the cutest little fence. Couldn't believe my luck. That's when I started to see Carl's true colours. He had serious anger problems. Nearly every night we would argue, he would walk out or go and punch and kick the walls of the house or lock himself in the bathroom with a knife threatening to take his own life. This had become a regular occurrence. Even if I stayed quiet and tried to avoid an argument it still happened. He would block my only way out of a room in order to MAKE me argue with him. This guy was 6 foot and had weight behind him. Not muscle but fat. One evening I had no choice but to put him on his ass with one punch. He just wound me up so much I was left with no choice I wanted to evade the situation but couldn't because he was in the way shouting IN my face spitting saliva at me as he shouted.
We both got a new job and worked in the same office. He again would call in sick due to drinking too much the night before. I'm guessing it's possible you can see a pattern of drinking here. He then got me fired due to us being in a relationship. We had moved to a new flat shortly before we lost our jobs, a nice one bedroom flat. We had friends round regularly and although I tided every day, it still ended up messy by the end of the night. My friends would tidy after themselves as would I. But Carl would leave plates everywhere, dirty clothes everywhere, he would pull out ALL the PS2 games and leave them scattered around the living room and do the same with the DVD's. Glasses with alcohol in them on the windowsill and tables, and bottles of it everywhere. It was clear. I was living with an Alcoholic. I would speak to my friends who came round to see us. All but one at the time were male. At every gathering we had (almost every night) I would be shown up, shouted at and made to feel 2ft tall. One specific night I had just met a new friend, he was introduced by our circle of friends. Also a skater. He came up and was joining in the gathering etc and Carl had started insulting me infront of people, which is how it started. I told him to stop, and that we have company. To which his response was 'Say that to me again and I will rip your fucking throat out, understand?' Our new friend picked up his skateboard ready to smack Carl around the head with the trucks however Callum stopped him as it would only make it worse for me.
In November 2008 I got a new job, I had no choice but to leave Carl in charge of paying rent and sorting things out at home. I was working 9-5 and didn't have enough time to go and pay the rent myself. We we're going to see the Christmas lights switch on in town, I had given him bus fare in change but he 'deliberately' lost a pound coin so we didn't have to go and he could stay at home and drink. I said fine, I will go on my own as we have arranged to meet friends and I wanted to see the lights and fireworks. He immediately snapped. He took my phone from my hands threw it against the bedroom wall. It was in many different pieces and I couldn't contact anyone. I was scared. Really scared. I immediately burst into tears he pinned me up against the hallway wall outside my bedroom by my throat. Threatening to kill me. Telling me I am a slag, I'm fat, I am a whore no one else will ever want. Telling me how unpretty I was, and how no one actually liked me they just came up to see him. His grip was getting tighter. Callum (who had a set of keys) walked through the door and saw what was going on. He immediately loosened his grip and moved away from me. I went and locked myself in my bedroom and Callum asked Carl to leave. I used Callums phone to call my mum and she told me I needed to leave Carl.
The fact of the matter was I was too scared to leave him. I didn't know what repercussions there'd be. Everyday I heard 'You're fat, no one's going to want you, you're a whore, no one like's whores, you have no friends, you're a cunt, No one will ever love you except me' When we argued, or I TRIED to leave him, He would take a knife and lock himself in the bathroom and threaten to take his own life, OR he would leave the flat with the knife and threaten to do the same. He would ask male friends to 'leave it a couple days before coming around again' if me and them had had a conversation that lasted more than 10 minutes. And I was no longer allowed to speak to or see my mum without Carl's supervision. I was not allowed to speak to any male or female without Carl's supervision. I wasn't allowed to wear low cut tops, or skirts or dresses of any form. I wasn't allowed to go out without him, nor was I allowed to drink alcohol. I was only allowed to smoke cigarettes which were roll ups with no filters.
Callum one night saw how bad it got and offered me a place to stay. He text me this so I could read it and delete it. I stayed at Callums for one night after a huge group of my friends had said, she needs to get away what you're doing to her is wrong. I then built up the courage and confidence with Callum by my side to end the relationship with Carl. With no bathroom episodes. Just a straight pack you're bags and leave and never come back thing. And he did. But I couldn't have done it without Callum or my friends.
This is where my social Anxiety stems from, also my fear of confrontation and lack of confidence within myself.
Remember I said I had to get Carl to pay the rent? - That never happened, he met me from work with 6 bags filled with alcohol. I asked him if he paid the rent and he slurred at me that he bought alcohol with it instead. In January 2009 I lost my flat due to this act of selfishness and alcoholism but I wasn't with him at that point. I had to go back to London to stay for 6 weeks whilst I found a place to live. Callum moved in with me when I got that new place.