Post by Gwen123 on Nov 3, 2014 17:18:44 GMT
I haven't posted in here for ages because I felt great over the summer and in the first few weeks after returning to uni. But then I ran out of medication and because I felt better I didn't get more and then I got citalopram withdrawal. I got more medication and started feeling better, but since then I've not felt right. It started with feeling a bit down, which I put down to uni stress and the withdrawal, but then it got worse and I got the impulse to self harm. Then I kept having break downs because I was so homesick and stressed out and the suicidal thoughts came back. I gave in on Saturday and cut myself and I've been kind of hypomanic. I cleaned my whole house, fixed my coat and cooked a few days worth of meals in one afternoon. I've never been that productive, not even before the depression. Later that evening I started feeling kinda angry and out of control and I yelled at a friend during a society meeting (he deserved it though). I went home and watched dr who and cried, then listened to strange music really loudly and suddenly I was hyper again... Sunday I didn't want to go outside, but when I did, I bought loads of clothes, including a dress, even though I never wear dresses. I also nearly bought a new vacuum? I was in a weird happy mood and talking to my friends, they could tell something was wrong. I kept saying things impulsively, like swearing and when we were playing a card game, I used all my good cards at once to screw over my friends, which I've never done before. I'm usually much more reserved.
I figured this was probably a hypomanic episode, which might mean my depression diagnosis is wrong. I really don't know. My head's all over the place right now and I want to go back home to my Dad and not have to go to uni where I feel like a failure. I tried to get a GP appointment, but they just introduced a new booking system and I can't book an appointment until 17th November, meaning I probably won't get to see my GP this month, even though I think I really should. I don't know what to do. I can't concentrate on any work, which makes me feel rubbish and stress and have breakdowns. And the impulsive hypomanic thing makes me not able to sit still to do work either. It also makes me want to not wait for cars when I'm crossing the road. It's pretty safe here though, the place is full of students and drivers are used to it.
Does anyone have any advice? Because I have no idea what to do.
I figured this was probably a hypomanic episode, which might mean my depression diagnosis is wrong. I really don't know. My head's all over the place right now and I want to go back home to my Dad and not have to go to uni where I feel like a failure. I tried to get a GP appointment, but they just introduced a new booking system and I can't book an appointment until 17th November, meaning I probably won't get to see my GP this month, even though I think I really should. I don't know what to do. I can't concentrate on any work, which makes me feel rubbish and stress and have breakdowns. And the impulsive hypomanic thing makes me not able to sit still to do work either. It also makes me want to not wait for cars when I'm crossing the road. It's pretty safe here though, the place is full of students and drivers are used to it.
Does anyone have any advice? Because I have no idea what to do.